I like to listen to Mogwai, Tool and Messenger and ponder such things as, "WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?" and "WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?" . As such, my books, stories and articles tend to have a philosophical edge, which hopefully makes people think a little bit about their own purpose and meaning. Join my mailing list and I'll send you my musings straight to your inbox and you can judge for yourself.

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Loss as a Learning Experience

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18 Oct Loss as a Learning Experience

It has been a couple of weeks since I have written anything major, as it has been a tough time, and quite frankly, I haven’t wanted to write anything.

As some people will know, I lost someone close to me, that has been a huge influence on my life, and how I was brought up. It has forced me to look at a huge amount of things quite closely. Whilst it has been a hugely difficult time for my family and I, I have tried desperately to use it as a catalyst to move forward, and as such, I have learnt an awful lot about myself and some other people around me.

It is easy to let bad luck and events push you into a bad place, something I have had terrible problems with in the past, but on this occasion I refuse to let that happen, mainly because this person was always one of the main people who helped me emerge through the other side again. He would have hated to see me and my family desperately unhappy, so I have urged myself to try to look for the positives.

So I have looked closely at what I have learnt in this period of time. I have not always been very good at telling people how I feel, so writing things down like this seems to be the best way to express it.

Firstly, the fact that I can even think about this without dropping into a hole is a sign of how far I have come in the last year, much of that from the support and patience from my family, of which he was a huge part. Nearly two years ago my world fell apart from something far less important, a broken heart. The fact I can face something like losing a close member of my family with the intention of being positive shows how different I have become.

Secondly, to watch such an emotional outpouring from hundreds of people at the funeral, with others lining the streets outside the hospital he ran for 27 years, was inspiring, as well as being hugely emotional. Just recalling it brings a tear to my eyes. If i can have an effect on half as many people in my lifetime, I will be hugely proud.

Thirdly, my family have shown incredible strength and bravery. I do believe you can draw strength from those around you, and my Mother in particular, has shown astonishing bravery and courage. The fact I am made from her genes makes me believe I can get through anything life throws at me. I will never forget how proud I am to be her offspring. My brother also, has been quite an incredible support to her.

It is also at times like this you learn a lot about the people you class as friends. It has reinforced what a truly special group of friends my brother and I have got. Some of the friendships span 20 odd years, some more, some less. I must mention someone who has been particularly brilliant, Mr Virani – take a bow. (Normal abusive service will be resumed after the end of this blog.)

Some people have not been great. This is no time to point people out, but I have learnt some things about a certain couple of people, who have shown their true colours. It is a positive to find this out, as you would not want to waste time on people who only take.

I have also realised how important it is to be happy, and tell people how you feel. If you love someone, respect them, and just think they have been a great help to you, it is always good to be honest and put positive feelings out in the world. No one will resent hearing someone telling them something nice. Going out there and doing what you want with your life, without fear and with determination is important. You don’t know how long you or the people around you have – make them proud now, without delay.

All in all, it has been a terrible time for the family, but strength comes from each other and the people who support you, and we have learnt a lot about each other and people around us, in such a positive way. I will always use this person as a yardstick for how people should behave, and an inspiration to push forward and make him proud. That is what I will try to take from this experience.

The last thing I have learnt, is how the kindness of other people, sometimes ones you never expected, makes a huge difference. In the interests of paying it forward, if anyone is ever having a tough time, and wants to speak about anything , I am always ready to listen. I know how much difference it can make.

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2 Comments
  • mark tullett
    Posted at 12:01h, 22 October Reply

    Extremely brave mate. Sorry again for your loss. Best wishes

  • Tofu Incident
    Posted at 01:12h, 12 December Reply

    I lost my Mam on October 13th and a couple of years ago someone broke my heart, this heart break has made me stronger, Mam dying has been an acceptable yet odd process. Thanks for sharing and take care

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